Poisoning Children

My nanny duties aren't exactly detailed. Spoken duties include vague, "if you can" statements referring to laundry, math, and meals. Unspoken duties include keeping two children alive.

So I wake up and decide what I want to do. Then I remember I have children, and I modify my wishes. The modified wishes usually involve the outdoors. With children who would rather read and play video games for all of eternity, this is sometimes difficult. But when I can, I drag the children outside and pretend that nothing we ever do will benefit me in any way. I think they like things that way.

I like to go to this nature preserve nearby.

Mostly, the kids do not.

As we hike along, the smaller one obtains the coveted "front" position and then lets me in on one of his many dislikes.

"I hate gween."

He must be in hell.


But, as it turns out, the kid had a good reason for hating green.

Sometimes green comes in the form of a plant with mitten-shaped leaves. Sometimes that plant decides to eat children's faces.


So the kitchen counter looked like this for the next few days:

And we stayed indoors. Them watching super hero movies, me doing household chores. Awesome.

And I felt for the kid. I did. Poison ivy once devoured my own visage way back when.

But seriously. The boy is not helpless:

Destroy the green!